In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
