did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
