this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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