There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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