Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
