peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
