nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
