I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
