so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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