first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
