ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
