ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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