Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
