It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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