Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
