I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
