I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
