D3 body, D1 cock
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
