you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
