Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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