Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
