the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
