My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The air taste purple.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
