What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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