you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
