The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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