so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
