My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
