i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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