Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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