This dress was meant to end up on your floor
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
