She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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