If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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