I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
