I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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