After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to make out with him forever
BRING THE BAGELS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
