remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
