I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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