I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
