My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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