I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
