the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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