Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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