how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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