The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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