he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
