after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
