I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
