Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
