I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
