I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
