I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
