Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
