i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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