No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is my gift to your gina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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