I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
