he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
