Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do vagina's smell?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
